Weekend report-more rambling

First off- I realized that my last post was a bit insensitive to those of you who have children in daycare. It woke me up in the night and bothered me. I don't think it is the worst thing ever and I know that it is a necessity for a lot of families. My writing is only a reflection of thoughts rambling in my mind- not judgments on others. Ella is in the nursery for 3 hours every Sunday, that is nearly half a day, and she does fine. I think one day would be fine for her if I decided to do that. I don't need to, so all the hassle seems too much to me now. Plus, I will be watching kids again next month- they could find someone else, but I do like being available. At any rate, I apologize if I offended, it was certainly not my intention. We went rafting on Saturday. It was a great day and Chad is already planning another trip this month. He wants to take his brother. I would LOVE to go again- but he is going on a route with bigger rapids. I think it best to wait until I am not pregnant to be too adventurous. The trip we went on had a lot of floating, and a few good rapids. I would prefer more continuous rapids, but we had a great time just watching the scenery and joking with friends. We really like all the little "vacations" we have had this summer. We have decided that we are going to try to do something like that once a month. It really helps with the routine of life-and can be relatively inexpensive. It is an adequate substitute for one big long vacation, which we are not doing this year. In the last few days, I have felt that strong feeling that every parent must get of being overwhelmed and impressed with the huge task we have ahead of us- for mnay years to come. I did fine when we brought Ella home. I never worried about knowing how to care for her, but now- when it comes to behavior and discipline and communication. Yikes. I like to have answers. I like things to be spelled out for me. Give me my task, tell me what to do and how you want it done and I will do it. even when I was doing social work, which certainly is not always clear cut - there were still very distinct boundaries, guidelines and expectations in which to make decisions. Plus, I could walk away at night. People were still responsible for themselves. That is not how parenting works, as you all know. I am realizing that I will rarely, for sure know if I am doing it right-which makes my stomach do a little turn. I talked to two moms at church today about Ella, and her current behavior of yelling ALOT. It was so good to talk to them and get some advice and encouragment. I will really need other moms as I do this job. It is like no other job in the world-and I am less prepared for it than I realized.