Confessions

Okay Sherry- here you go! 1. I do not like to share my food. 2. I screen phone calls. 3. I think I like to color more than Ella does. 4. I want to take hip-hop dance lessons. 5. When I bake with brown sugar I eat a spoonful before I put the canister away. 6. I bite my nails. 7. I watch judge shows almost everyday (People's Court, Judge Matthis, etc.) 8. When I buy a happy meal for Ella, I eat her fries. 9. I don't use a wash cloth in the shower-just scrub with soap and my hands. 10. I sleep with a "snuggle pillow" every night. Okay- so it is not as extensive a list as Sherry's- but there you go. I am so tired tonight. I was dragging all day- just felt like my body was begging me to lie down and sleep for a LONG time. I can't seem to kick it. I feel like my depression is still there, getting worse sometimes. But then I think that I just need to eat better or excercise or get out more. I don't like being annoyed with my family but I have been. I don't like feeling stressed, but I have been. I just want to cope like I usually do and be calm and manage it. But then again, I have never done THIS before. Being a mom is really challenging for me, and when I get overwhelmed or annoyed or stressed I start to feel guilty. I know that must be a common feeling. I try to remind myself that anyone who has spent a day with a very independent 2 year old and a fussy baby has probably felt stressed, annoyed and overwhelmed. I KNOW it does not mean I am a bad mom, but it FEELS that way sometimes. Tomorrow is a new day- it will be better.