4.03.2006
My life now
I am so glad to be in this part of my life right now- I have always looked forward to it, and have not been disappointed. With that said, it has not been a seamless transition. I am re-defining who I am, and that has been confusing and cloudy at times. I have felt as if I am the throws of puberty again(well a little later than puberty)- emotionally anyway- trying to figure out who I, what I stand for, how I place value and priority in my life. During college I really grew to know myself and felt grounded in who I was. I did not expect that to come again, but it did with the birth of Ella. I suppose I was a little bitter that I was going through that again! I had worked hard to figure that out and to become someone I was proud to be. But, this process of rediscovery has been much quicker- with the experience of 28 years versus 18 years lived. With that said, these are some of the insights gained in the last few months:
*I know that what I am doing now is good. It is just what God has for me at this time. All that I have learned and experienced in my life has lead me to and prepared me for this time.
*I know that one day, God will have something different for me.
*I know that what I am doing is enough- I do not need to fill my life with more.
*I know that God has placed people in my life and will continue to place people in my life, and I need only love them better- instead of constantly searching for new souls to love.
*I know that God will bring me to do social work again, when the time is right and he will provide the setting. I do not need to worry about being forgotten.
* I know that God has blessed me beyond anything I could have imagined, and I am compelled to live my life responsibly, in a way that honors Him and what He has given.
* I know that Ella is the most amazing, special precious gift that I have been given, and everything I do is now is the context of me being her mother. I have a great responsibility.
What a great adventure and journey life is!
My Momma comes tomorrow-- Hurray!!
Now I am going to go bawl my eyes out as I watch Miracle Workers.
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6 comments:
you are super blessed to be at home with Ella-she is super lucky to have you there with her!
It's a hard transition from work to being at home, no matter how much you wanted it or looked forward to it. I remember going through something similar, the redefining of yourself.
Enjoy your visit with your mom!!!
Having children completely re-defined me too. It sounds like you are content with where you are right now and with your life. That's a great place to be. Can't wait to see you in July!
Each transition of life calls for redefining. When my oldest child graduated from high school and went away to college--it sent me into a tail spin. It is important--no matter how filled with gratitude we are--to be able to stay at home with our babies....that we maintain a sense of self. Whether that is in continuing education, volunteering, a hobby, or blogging (!!!!)...find it...and excel. You will be staying in tune with your self...and modeling a great behavior to your children. After all, once they are grown (and it happens way to soon)...you will be left ....with .....YOU!
Keep finding your way through this transition. But don't forget to ENJOY the moments along the way!
Diane
I love this time of life too-being a mother really blesses you and changes your whole outlook on everything. It's indescribable!
I remember when I was about your age and I began trying to figure out who I was with two little children in the house. So in my mid-20's I learned about being content with the Me that God had made. By the time I got to 50 I thought I had it all figured out, but I learned I had MUCH to learn. It never stops, but each phase leads you to the next "era" in your life. Savor each one. It gives you strength for the next one.
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